It is so easy to find photos and videos like this online. A young child lying on the family dog while he is sleeping or when he is simply relaxing. In this image, it even looks like it may have been posed. In other words, someone (perhaps a parent or another trusted adult role model) asked the little girl to do this for the sake of an image.
Parents…this is for you. I get your wanting your kids to have a loving relationship with your dog. My dog was my best friend who grew up. You may see your child hugging or laying on your dog has a beautiful sign of affection. Affection is something many of us value as humans.
I want your child to have a positive relationship with your dog too. To do that, it is important that both your child and your dog feel safe around each other.
And, as harmless as it may seem, encroaching on your dog’s space when he is resting or napping, and laying on him, can cause your dog to be uncomfortable, stressed, and unsafe. It is restrictive and invasive. If your dog has any underlying condition that causes discomfort, it could lead to heightened sensitivity. If your dog startles, it could lead to an unpleasant reaction. Your dog may try to communicate with body language. If that language goes unheard, it may lead to a heightened response.
You may think you have a tolerant dog but every tolerant dog will have a limit.
You may think your dog enjoys it, and he may at times, but the choice is not your dog’s to make when a person moves into his space and restrains him.
I would like to explore this and expand your knowledge, so you can be better at creating more harmony and minimizing stress. And prevent dog bites.
Let’s go back to the image. Is it okay for your child to lie on your family dog, or is it better to leave sleeping and relaxing dogs alone?
My answer to that question: No, it is not okay for your child to lay on, jump on, pull on or even invade your dog’s space when your dog is resting or sleeping. (Actually, those are not okay behaviors at any time.) That is your dog’s private time to be left alone. Invading on that quiet time is not welcome or appreciated.
Imagine a time when you want to escape by closing yourself off into a dark bathroom, filling your bathtub with bubbles, enjoying a glass of wine and listening to soothing meditation music to enhance the ambiance. You are stressed or exhausted and that private time is precious. How would you feel if your child suddenly bolted through the door, made loud noise, ran around and even splashed some of those bubbles around? I bet you would not be too happy.
Just like you, your dog wants that quiet, peaceful time too. He wants and deserves to feel safe in his spot. If that does not happen, he may begin to not feel safe closing his eyes in the quiet spot or even being in the same space as your child who has a history of invading his personal space.
I’ve seen that time and again when a dog exhibits a variety of stress signals just being in the vicinity of a child or children. Of course, there can be and often are other reasons for this discomfort too, but a child invading a dog’s private space is one of them.
Here are a few more things to consider when it comes to a child lying on the family dog.
Restraint can often be uncomfortable and unpleasant. Dogs that are restrained can feel trapped too. An important line of defense – the ability to move away or escape – is taken away. This makes other means for increasing distance more likely such as growling, snarling or worse.
Your dog (especially if it is older) may have body parts that are extra sensitive. Being touched or having pressure applied to those areas could be painful to your dog and that could cause your dog to react in a bigger way. It could cause your dog to feel more protective too of someone coming close to those body parts in anticipation of possible pain.
There is a thing that can happen with some dogs called sleep startle reflex. For these dogs, if they are awoken suddenly, in that split second, they can reflexively growl, snap, lunge or even bite. This definitely is not a safe time or place for your child.
As a parent, what are you to do about this with your dog and child?
Know that it is not enough to just tell your small child NOT to lie on, pull on, or invade your dog’s private space. Very young children simply do not have the ability to refrain from that impulsivity. Management is very important. ALWAYS actively supervise any time your dog and your young child are in the same room together, and ALWAYS take positive steps to redirect BEFORE there is a problem. Gates (double gates if needed to keep little hands away) can be hugely helpful in keeping everyone at safe distances.
Get to know how your dog communicates stress so that you know when to redirect your child or your dog or both. Please click here for my post on dog body language and see this post about learning to recognized a Kiss to Dismiss,
Know that you are constantly modeling behaviors for your child. If you hug or lay on your dog or invade your dog’s space when your dog is resting (or any other time), then it is understandable that your child will follow. Social learning is a powerful way of teaching that often is unintended.
Please do not encourage your child to be invasive to your dog for the sake of a photo. A much better idea would be to have your child sit beside your dog (if your dog is comfortable with that) or have someone take a photo of you in between your child and dog.
Give your dog a private space that is away from the busyness of kids’ activities, and keep that space off limits to your child. For older kids, you can still teach them to stay away; however, active adult supervision is still important.
Need help? Please reach out!
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