After the disaster that was my very first Valentine’s Day, I slipped into the office, at the Kontinental Kat Agency. I was in a foul mood.
The Kontinental Kat, my Boss, sat at his desk and sniffed at the air. He sensed that all was not right with me. “What’s up, Buttercup?” He asked.
“I’ve lost her forever.” I stated dramatically and flopped on my desk chair.
“I assume you’re referring to the lovely Savoy?” He uttered.
“Who else?” I hung my head.
“What happened?” The Kontinental Kat was genuinely interested.
“She’s set her sights on Cheeto! My own cousin!” I lamented.
“I understand completely, young Dash. Let me tell you about how the Mrs. and I got together. Maybe you’ll see that all is not lost.” The Kontinental Kat leaned back in his chair and began his tale . . .
“The Case of the Big Knockover is what started it all.” The black cat began. “I had just begun my career as a private investigator when the loveliest BSH walked into the office.”
“You have to help me!” She pleaded.
“What’s the problem, Miss . . . ?” I admit I was slightly tongue-tied at her beauty but I wanted her name.
“Call me Cleo.” She told me. “I’m being framed for a crime I did not commit and I need you to find the truth.” She implored.
Luckily, being a truth seeker is my specialty. Cleo told me about how she had been invited to an artist’s studio by her then Tomfurriend, Romeo, to sit for a portrait.
She was flattered to be chosen for such a honour. But when she reached the studio, it was in complete disarray. It was a chaotic mess. Pottery was shattered all over the place and the artist Tomfurriend was no where to be seen.
Before Cleo could even wrap her head around what was going on, a human came in and let out a horrendous shriek. Cleo froze but as she was the only creature about, the police were called and she had been arrested for the crime.
The human’s Boys and Romeo did show up eventually but they all kept schtum and let Cleo carry the can.
Cleo began to weep in distress. Her shame emboldened me to help. “Let me have the names of these ‘Boys’ and the address of your Romeo. I’ll get to the bottom of this caper.” I told the lovely Cleo.
*********
First off, I headed out to see this Romeo. I knew I was not going to like him, on principle, but I had a job to do. I had some probing questions for him. I mean, how could he leave this feline in the lurch? What kind of Tom does that?
I arrived at his abode where I found him painting on the wall with mud. And to be honest, he couldn’t even stay within the lines. I had some serious doubts about his ‘artistic’ abilities.
“Are you Romeo Montague?” I asked right away.
“Who wants to know?” He returned.
“Cagey, eh?” I gave him a suspicious glare. “I’m looking into the Case of the Big Knockover and I want to know your involvement?” I puffed up my fur just enough to intimidate this scrawny tabby.
“I don’t know what you’re meowing about?” Romeo put on such a convincing look of gormless ineptitude that I nearly believed him.
“I’ve never knocked over pottery in any of my lives.” He answered.
“Ha! I knew you were involved! I did not mention pottery! So, tell me who did it? Because I know it wasn’t the most beautiful creature in all of Catdom.” I hovered closer to him, ready to lash out or pounce, if he decided to make a run for it.
“Look, all I know is that I saw Pumpkin coming out of the studio just before Cleo got there. If you want answers, ask him.” Romeo through over his shoulder as he concentrated on his mud masterpiece.
*********
I made my way to the Boys house which was also the scene of the crime. I had a bit of a scout around and checked out the studio. It was a big space, full of pottery. I could see how things could, very easily, get broken in such a place.
As I left the studio, I spotted a sandy-coloured Persian sunning himself by the hot tub.
“Oi . . .” I yelled. “Are you Pumpkin?” The Persian looked me over and cowered. This was going to be easy. I could tell that Pumpkin was afraid of my height and weight.
“Yes, Sir.” He mewed weakly.
“The same Pumpkin who was in this very studio during the Big Knockover?” I asked while pointing to the structure in the yard.
Pumpkin looked over at the studio and I could tell he was involved. He gulped.
“Did you do it?” I accused.
He shook his head.
“What were you doing there that day?” I continued the inquiry.
“I went there to meet Magic. But I swear . . . I didn’t touch the pottery. I know how Mum dislikes it. She has a rule . . . We can’t touch her art work.” He yammered on.
“Hmmmm . . . Where’s Magic?” I had another clue to follow now.
“In the cat tree, where he always is.” Pumpkin meowed and took off as I looked towards the house.
*********
I entered the house and sure enough I found a black Persian perched on a cat tree smoking a catnip doobie.
“Are you Magic?” I asked the young Tom.
“Oh, Tom . . . This catnip is magic . . .” He inhaled deeply.
Obviously, Magic was the Patches of this household. Fortunately, I knew how to handle ‘Nipheads’. “Tell me about the Big Knockover crime that happened here?”
“What ‘Big Knockover’?” Magic looked at me with total innocence.
“The Great Pottery Throw Down in the studio.” I reminded him.
Magic began to giggle in that ‘high as a kite’ way that cats do and said, “Oh, yeah . . . That was all about the catnip toys that Teddy saw Mum hide in the big pot before she went away. Teddy meowed that it was our duty, as cats, to recover the toys. And as they were full of the nip, I was ready to help.” Magic rambled on. “Teddy is brilliant!”
“Where is this Teddy?” I wanted answers now!
*********
Teddy was in the office upstairs working on his taxes when I joined him. He was counting all the feathery toys on the top shelf using an abacus. As I entered, he was about to shove a pot off the shelf but stopped when he spotted me.
“What are you doing up there?” I asked.
Teddy jumped down and cautiously came towards me. “Who are you?” He asked.
“I’m from the Kontinental Kat Detective Agency. I’ve been hired to get to the bottom of the Case of the Big Knockover that happened in the studio outside, a few days ago.” I answered menacingly.
“Well, if you want to get to the truth, you better go see Romeo. He’s the one who broke into the studio.” Teddy informed me.
That was all I needed to hear. I knew, instinctively, that Romeo had more to do with this than he was willing to admit. “You are meowing that Romeo Montague is the one who let you all into the studio?” I wanted clarification.
“That’s right. I knew that Mum had hidden the cat nip toys in the big pot she made but we couldn’t get into the studio. Romeo came along and he managed to squeeze in through the window. I put it down to his cat burgling past.” Teddy was a plethora of whiskers and information.
“What?!! Romeo was a cat burglar?!” I was astonished.
“He was, indeed. He was notorious for it, in this part of the country.” Teddy grinned and he wasn’t even from Cheshire.
I went off in search of Romeo, once again. This time he was not going to fob me off with his lame excuses. He did it! I knew he did. And I was prepared to beat a confession out of him, to save the lovely Cleo!
End of Part I
*Stay tuned for Part II of The Case Of The Big Knockover. And see how the Kontinental Kat saves the case and wins the feline!
*Don’t allow writing or comedy to become a dying art. If my work entertains and/or amuses you and you fancy being a patron of the arts, feel free to tip/donate. Your support is very much appreciated . . . https://thejoyofcats.wordpress.com/1896-2/
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