Grieving the loss of a cat can be heart-wrenching. When it hurts even to think about them, there are gentle steps that can help you cope—and start remembering your feline friend with more peace than pain.
In Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers, I talked about how happy I was that I made a scrapbook of memories of my soul cat after she passed. BUT, when a loss still feels traumatic, I’ve learned to approach this idea a little differently.
I’m going to share a process that really helped me after we lost two beloved cats (Phil and Joel) in too quick succession—each from a different medical mystery. I struggled with this huge loss. How were we not able to give them at least 16 – 20+ good years? It was heavy and hard to process.
If you find it hard to even look at photos of a cat you miss, I get it. It was hard for me, too, until I took a few steps that made a big difference for me.
STEP 1: Emotional First Aid—a Breathing Practice for Cat Grief
At first, whenever I thought of Phil or Joel, my thoughts went to distressing end-of-life memories.
If you’re struggling because difficult memories are coming up, here’s what helped me:
- SHIFT to the FEELING. When a painful memory or thought came up, I shifted my focus to the feeling, like fear or sadness, rather than lingering on stressful memories.
- INHALE LIGHT INTO IT. Focusing on where I most felt the feeling in my body, I took a deep inhale and imagined breathing light into that area. (Usually my chest or solar plexus.)
- EXHALE the PAIN. With a long exhale, I imagined breathing the painful feeling out.
- REPEAT. I repeated the inhale-exhale visualization a couple more times and as needed.
This practice created some emergency calm and helped me begin to unlink thoughts of my beloved cats from painful thoughts or memories.
STEP 2: Creating a Gratitude List for Your Cat
I still needed something more to help me relink thoughts of Phil and Joel to positive associations. That led me to think, “Hey, how about a list of things I feel really grateful to them for?”
So I typed up a couple of feline Gratitude Lists. How? I just started writing whatever came to mind. My advice is don’t wait for inspiration. Just start jotting down quirks, qualities, and experiences you will always appreciate about them. The act of doing this tends to trigger more ideas for your list!
Examples from my Joel gratitude list
- Showing us how a cat with a disability can be 200% lovable, adorable, wild, and agile.
- How often you made us laugh with your antics and enthusiastic running, squeal-like meowing, playing, and purring.
- Your constant shows of affection. How you could snuggle in closer than any cat I’ve ever met.
Examples from my Phil gratitude list
- Your rascally playfulness, including sneaking things out of visitors’ bags.
- How you always seemed to understand us—from what we were saying to when we needed some extra love.
- You always wanted to be where we were.
Surprisingly, getting down these lists was transformative for me. Yes, there were tears, but good, healthy tears. Also smiles. It opened up an experience that was very healing: the ability to focus on gratitude instead of pain.
STEP 3: Making a Gratitude Book as a Cat Memorial
Now, finally, I was inspired and able to put all my gratitude into something I called (wait for it…) a Gratitude Book.
I have to tell you, it felt SO much better (and more doable) to make this book about gratitude instead of simply about memories.
Here’s what I did to make the book:
- Made a folder of favorite photos of both cats. If I saw a photo that fit with something on my Gratitude List, I copied that in, too. (The photos sparked even more gratitude list ideas.)
- Used a photo-book creation service with simple templates that made it easy to drop in images and text. I used Shutterfly, but I’m sure there are other good options out there.
- Dropped photos into the book—arranged mostly by timeline—and plugged in Gratitude List notes & stories where they fit best.
- Ordered a printed version of the book. (I find it more satisfying to hold it in my hands than view it online.)
How about some pictures to give you a sense of it?
(There are more pages beyond these!)
It makes my heart happy to look at the Gratitude Book. I love it because:
- It was helpful and cathartic to make.
- It helped me keep relinking positive associations to my memory of each beloved cat.
- It’s a tribute to these cherished felines who filled our lives with love, kindness, and silliness.
- It gives me comfort to know that I have saved the best memories so they won’t fade.
I just had to take it step by step.
What do you think?
While this process can’t take away all the grief, I found it a helpful, meaningful way to channel my grief into appreciation for these precious felines and the difference they made in our lives.
Have you tried something like this? Would you like to? Do you have any tips or ideas to add?
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